Almost Sin
by ThingBling
Summary: Auron is unbreakable, right? Or so it seems. When he shatters, who will pick up the pieces? Auron/??? ... PG-13 for angst and conflicting feelings. 1st FFX fic, so please R/R!


Disclaimer: Square owns Final Fantasy X. I own the one-shot story.  
  
A/N: Spur of the moment thing, I guess. I like this pairing, and I hope you'll be converted to in (in the even the most minor way) after reading. Probably one of the only FFX fictions I'll do.. if ya like FFIX visit my other stuff sometime! Auron/...?  
  
Teasers: Auron's indignation, pride's disintigration... basically. The understanding may bloom into a romance if people R/R and want it!  
  
...  
  
And just HOW many fictions have been written about camping on Gagazet? ...er, too many, probably. Hopefully this will be a marker along the trail.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Almost Sin ... by ThingBling  
  
  
  
  
  
Even he had to admit it was "cold".   
  
He dropped his sword the the icy ground, wiping the sweet red off against the virgin snow. He ignored the activity behind him. He could hear it, but he refused to listen to the childish victory chants of the party.  
  
What time was it?  
  
"Auron! Get over here, man!" The blonde boy swung his hands around, trying to get the veteran's attention. It didn't work. Oh, well, what did he expect? It never did.  
  
The silent man didn't move. He never did anything unless it was important.   
  
"That bomb dropped another sword for you! Don't you wanna see?"  
  
Breathing was almost hard in such a high climate. The scene possessed a temperature colder than where he wanted to send the sword, that was for sure. He cursed the weapon under his breath, his voice barely audible... but audible enough.  
  
"Never mind. Geez. Hey, Yuna, when do we get to camp?"  
  
"I think Rikku can decide tonight," cheerfulness perched on the peak of the summoner's soft voice. It was a cheerfulness he couldn't feel.  
  
The young Al Bhed's response was near instantaneous. "Nah! Wakka can!"  
  
"But I decided last night, ya? Lulu?" The tanned athlete sounded a little reluctant to hand the choice down to the black mage.  
  
Auron turned around. He needed to rest his eyes. The first thing that welcomed his gaze was...  
  
"Do you look to me for everything? Fine," a haughty sigh escaped the chilled woman's lips. He watched as the braids spun off her head, dancing in the northern wind. "We set up camp now. Those not working, go out and put an end to some more fiends. Who knows what might attack at night if they aren't mostly cleared out?"  
  
"Who stay and work?" A gruff voice broke through the air, a puff of white following the words. The blue creature clenched his fists, perhaps feeling at home for the first time in years.  
  
Home? Merely an accessory, the man in the cloak was convinced. But it was an accessory he sometimes wished he had.  
  
"Kimahri, you can stay. You've had enough battling today..." Lulu brushed back a strand of ebony hair, and tried to look authoritative. She didn't need to try. "Yuna stays, I stay, Auron stays... Tidus, Wakka and Rikku: go get them."  
  
"Aww, man!" Auron watched as Tidus spread his arms, stretching to keep himself alert. "I'm always training! Fiends, Blitzball... train, train, train! Is that ALL I'm good for?!"  
  
"Come on," Wakka had already scooped up some restorative items from the group's supplies. "Rikku's waiting, ya?"  
  
Bittersweet youth. A person should be allowed more of it.  
  
"Come on! See ya, Yunie. Be good!" Rikku was proudly strutting onward into the white, ignoring the fact that she had no companions. The redhead soon rushed after her, and the teenager from Zanarkand trudged along also, but not before muttering a last complaint.  
  
"The least you could've done was make Yuna come along... we're gonna need 'cure'," The young summoner stifled a giggle.  
  
  
  
  
  
"It's done." The serious guardian sat on the broadest boulder he could have found, gazing down upon the thick opening flap of the tent. It had been only a half of an hour, a very slow one, but even he had to admit its results were not dissatisfactory. A billowing tent stood erect, and the overhang above partially shielded it from the snow.  
  
That accursed snow.   
  
"Don't look so down, Sir Auron!" Yuna, trying to lighten the night as always, approached him out of nowhere, startling him, almost knocking him off his throne. But he didn't show it. "I'm sure the others will like it!"  
  
An unbreakable silence followed, as the mysterious man slid off the rock he'd claimed. He was now eye-level, or almost, with the girl. No. She was a woman, wasn't she? He was sorry... sorry to have seen her grow up, unable to stop it. He wished she could have stayed a small, innocent child with those eyes she used to have.. eyes of purity. He sighed.  
  
He had seen her affectionate embrace with the very forward Tidus from Zanarkand. He had witnessed the naive bud bloom into an aware flower. He had compared his own life to hers in that moment, and found himself wanting more. He hated her, but respected her, for it... in his own way. He'd never tell her that.  
  
"I hope you are ready." Merciless. Always merciless.  
  
"Wh-what do you mean?" He watched as the fear dwelling deep inside her heart surfaced. "If you are questioning me about my preparations for summoning the final aeon, then I can assure you, I-"  
  
"You are strong enough to sacrifice yourself. I know," he wished he didn't. He wished she did. "It's who you are going to sacrifice.. are you ready for that?"  
  
"Sir Auron... what are you... talking about?"  
  
"I cannot be chosen. I just can't," a darkness fell upon him. The summoner didn't understand. Good. She shouldn't.. not yet.  
  
"W-What?"  
  
"You will not embarrass yourself in front of the others by selecting me, or that boy from Zanarkand," Auron tried not to break the ice beneath the her feet. It was the only ice that was keeping her going.. so unlike this Gagazet's barriers. Such a nuisance.  
  
"I don't think I grasp this," Yuna tried to slowly make sense of him. He always was mysterious. "Select? For what, Sir Auron?"  
  
"You'll know! I'm sorry you don't and I do!" It was as if a fire had started in his heart, taking its dear time to eat him from the inside, out. "When you are asked, don't you dare say Sir Auron, or Tidus!"  
  
Eyes wide, Yuna staggered back. What was happening?! Was her Sir Auron, a stern yet kind man, just an illusion? Or was this the effect of some intoxication? She turned and hurried away. A cry of dismay followed her retreat.  
  
The only thing he didn't know, was which shattered him more: the ominous future, or the dread-filled eyes of a summoner.  
  
  
  
  
  
Was this it?  
  
A sad eye trailed over a crevice in the steep mountain's face. A small groove swept along a length barely roomy enough for a grown man to rest in.. no, die in. Sadly, it had actually been used as a "shelter" once, by some "man". Ugh. Some shelter. No cold was warded off, not a fleck of snow reflected... A cold terror reanimated itself in his heart. A memory filled with pain... almost forgotten. Not quite.  
  
Were his glasses clouding, or was it just the way they were?  
  
The stars twinkled above the bleached cliffs as the guardian permitted himself to head back to the forlorn campsite. Another day gone, lost to contemptful thoughts. Why did his mind buzz? Why didn't the sky cave in when he commanded it to? He swore silently. Why did no one listen... when it did?  
  
No matter. Sir Auron had more urgent things to attend to.  
  
No one greeted him as he arrived at his destination. There wasn't a party full of colorful banners or balloons awaiting, or even the mood to endorse such a feat. If anything, a touch of resentment was passed through the younger generation as their chaperone became present.  
  
"You're late," only one dared to provoke the silent man's fault. The black-clad mage barely nodded her head, gesturing to the tent. "We have decided. You are guarding tonight. I'll take over when the time comes."  
  
And with that, Auron's duty was decided.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Jecht, by becoming Sin, you've permitted me to spit on you." A clenched fist trembled, squeezing harder with each syllable. Night was here. Blackest night, when even the spirits were afraid to wander. The deepest hour, when no human should be alert. Hottest hatred, a fate which no man should ever have to suffer.  
  
Sir Auron suffered it. But who was it for...?  
  
"You should never have been brought here. You don't belong, and neither does your," excrutiating pain broke through his voice in a profane word, "son."  
  
Was it for that timeless man, Jecht? What a fine excuse. Or the innocent Tidus..  
  
Tidus. He needed to be guided. Guided everywhere! Shown how to do things.. why wasn't he a man yet?! He was seventeen, the oaf, and barely sharp enough to spread the butter over one's wasted bread. Why, why, why, why, WHY, WHY, WHY?!  
  
He could feel his pupil dilate, feel his pulse rise, feel the guilt that he'd carried so long...  
  
"It's because you let his father, his REAL light, die." He would never slip into insanity. No, that was a disease much too good for the likes of him. He'd been warding it off all along, but secretly, in the end, he knew...  
  
Or did he hate something infinitely closer to him... something he couldn't even confide in himself? What? Himself, you fool! Confusion mounted as he spoke to himself. Himself, himself, himself...  
  
"Sir Auron."  
  
No, she wasn't supposed to be ready so soon! He needed his time alone, the only time he ever was allowed it: guarding.  
  
"You are ready?" Disturbed and uncomfortable, the freezing man averted his eyes from his hands. So stained, they were...  
  
"No, but it doesn't seem like you are, either." That heavenly voice... it was the only voice possible of holding malice near equal to his own. The guardian Lulu was beside him, her hand placed on his shoulder. How long had she been listening?  
  
"You want something," a knowing smile graced his face. But it was a smile soon forgotten among the many grimaces he had adorned.  
  
"I want you to tell me why you always talk to yourself. Even I know it's unhealthy for one to hold all of their thoughts in his own hands." Too wise, too unpredictable, too true. "Before even you know it, they'll start to overflow."  
  
"Overflow?" A word he wasn't very familliar with.  
  
"Tell me why," an odd request. Not unreasonable. Not demanding. Not even nosy, as the Al Bhed might have labeled it. Just different.  
  
"Why what? Why you take a sudden interest in a man's cryptic nonsense?" Translation: I'm a man, you're a woman. Butt out.  
  
"Yes, and why you feel it's nonsense." Obviously this "woman" didn't understand.  
  
"Go back to bed." Well, he had told HER, hadn't he!  
  
"I refuse." What?  
  
The beginning of a disagreement... Auron could feel it. But at least she tried... but she was... a SHE.  
  
"You wouldn't want to know."  
  
"I already do."  
  
"W-well, then," thoughts coursed through his head. Is she telling him the truth, or deceiving him for the greater good? Would a woman know how he felt? Of course not! It had been so long since anyone, let alone a female, had understood him.. had they ever? Had he ever understood... them? "Why don't you tell me... what you think you understand?"  
  
How long had her hand been there? Why was she in front of him? Huh? Why? Huh? Huh? How?  
  
"You lost something and nothing can replace it."  
  
Harsh. He was now a school boy being reprimanded by his teacher. Color blotched his cheeks. He wanted to sit down in his desk, in the arms of someone who could help... too bad he'd killed everyone off who could... years ago.  
  
"It was your fault. You can't forgive yourself."  
  
What? What? His lock, unlocked? Who? When?  
  
"But they forgave you. As if there was something to forgive."  
  
Why was this all making sense in words now, when it was useless? When it was far too late to confess any of his transgressions? Huh? Huh? He wanted to scream and run. She wasn't natural! Knowing and... a song echoed in his head.  
  
She sang it in her eyes.   
  
"You think you're mysterious."  
  
I AM A MYSTERY!   
DON'T TRY AND SOLVE IT!   
THEN THERE'S NO MORE OF ME!   
SO WHY DON'T YOU STOP IT!  
  
He felt the need to.. to hold his head!  
  
"I think you're troubled."  
  
TROUBLES COME TROUBLES STAY  
(tremble tremble cough hide)  
SMOTHER SUNS AND TRAMPLE DAYS  
(simple sinking wonder why)  
  
"And you..."  
  
"What?!"  
  
A quiet too strong to have not been planned. He was too vulnerable.. his armor had been shattered and he.. just him, not Auron the warrior.. not Auron the legend.. Auron the person! He, along with his hardened, shredded exterior, naked among his broken pride, was exposed.  
  
It was Almost Sin.  
  
"You think you can bear it alone. Well. Newsflash-"  
  
I-I-I-I-I-I-I... I-  
  
"You can't."  
  
The woman watched as the man she knew choked back the tears that should have been shed long ago. He sank into the surrounding snow, wondering why she now came.. Now, instead of when he needed her most! He was a slave to her knowledge... a slave to her comfort... a slave to everything he had come along on this journey to escape! And he bowed there, weeping, witnessing to his own capture.  
  
Lulu bent down next to him, glaring at the rising sun. It had been too long. She collected him in her arms, piece by piece.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: Please REVIEW if you've gotten this far. Pretty short, but I may continue and add on, maybe, one more chapter if people like it (and so on for that one, and that one.. who knows?). Weird, but would get more in depth if you want to find out! Of course, continuation would be a rare Auron/Lulu, so if you're into that...  
  
Reviewers will be acknowledged if I continue. Thanks! ^^ And no flames, please... 


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